Sunday, December 12, 2010

A little more about McArmy

I obviously don't want to give too much away. I don't want to jinx it. I don't want to wake up and realize that it's all just a dream or another Nicholas Sparks book/movie.

I'm pretty sure he does exist. I mean, I have met him a few times over the years. He's the childhood friend of my childhood friend's husband. And he makes my heart melt.

We already know we're done for and we haven't even been on a date. Something was always holding us back, whether it be a friend looking out for our best interest or another relationship or whatever. Maybe the tiny fact that I now live in Utah had something to do with it. But finally we started talking. And finally things started falling into place. We want the same things and think about the same things. It's all right there, waiting for us whenever we're ready. We want to live in the same place. We talk about the same house. We have passions for similar things.... and best of all we have the same weird twisted sense of humor.

What's the catch?

Just a tiny one. You know... the ARMY.

No big deal, right? He can't tell me much about whatever it is he's doing. He's currently overseas (maybe? he can't tell me where he is) so all I have are the phone calls and emails. I can't call him, so I have to wait for some kind of contact from him. If I don't answer, I get to listen to a voicemail. But lately when we talk, it's like he's so far away. The signal cuts out and I can hear an echo. He just... Seems so close yet so far.

There are periods of time when I will hear from him multiple times a week, but when I don't hear from him for a few days I have to convince myself that he's just busy with work. Because he is. And I have to tell myself that he will call me soon, that somehow I will hear from him. And I always do. When I start to worry that something has happened to him, I always hear from him within hours. Sometimes he calls me just to tell me that he's okay and that he's thinking about me. And it helps.

He has a couple more years left of this top secret ARMY stuff, and I don't want to wait that long before I can actually be with him. It's driving me crazy. And I honestly don't think he wants to wait that long either. We're both getting impatient.

But it's hard to say you're dating someone you haven't been on a date with. We don't really know what to call this "whatever it is that we're doing" thing. But it seems totally crazy because we're both okay with it. We're both totally comfortable with it. I can't wait to know what it's like to hold him instead of a pillow.

We make plans... Plans with ferry boats and islands and beach houses and living next to our friends in West Linn. Plans involving bonfires and hiking. Plans involving meeting my family. Plans that seem to be taking the span of a lifetime.

It's funny how all the other relationships and flings I have had until now have prepared me for this. The random departures of Brown Boot from my life that left me feeling empty made me realize that I had to be happy on my own before I was happy with someone else, because someone else won't be there all the time. All the dates I went on where the conversation was nonexistent made me realize that I needed someone I could talk to. All the guys that talked about forever and had no follow through. Every guy that made false promises. The guys that made no effort to keep me. The guys that lied to me. It is all leading up to something bigger and making me realize that I deserve more.

And that more will be just around the corner.

I will be very clear that he told me not to wait for him. And technically, I'm not. No one else has asked me out. No one else has made the effort and there a ton of guys right around here that could if they wanted to.

It's funny that he's forever away and he's making more effort than any guy that said they were committed to me. Hum...

Okay. Done for now.


NEW JOB! It's awesome. I literally get to play with little kids and teach them all day. We read stories, we eat lunch, we run around and fight dragons and monsters.... It is so rewarding. They warm up to me so fast, and I feel like I'm making a bunch of tiny friends every day.

Okay, now I'm done. :)

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