Summer nights....

I forgot how much I loved summer time... I know technically it isn't here yet, and spring/summer weather in Utah is kind of bipolar... like snow in May? Psh.

But days when it is so nice a beautiful outside, followed by a beautiful clear and warm night... *sigh*

I've missed those nights. I've missed the days where I could be lazy. I have such fond memories of laying in a hammock in someone's backyard and talking all day and night. The simplicity. The intimacy. The pure bliss that came from really feeling loved.

Summer nights remind me of those times. Not necessarily the person, although until recently he was on my mind a lot... Just simply the feeling. It is actually a very rare occasion when I do think about him, and I like that it's finally that way... I finally know my world still turns without him. And I'm happy alone. :) <-------(look at me being happy....)

The ability to breathe and feel the air rush into my lungs. The ability to stand outside at night and see the stars scattered across the sky. The smell of summer.... The thunderstorms. Relaxing on someone's front yard. The smell of developer and fixer on my clothes and fingers from class.

This day was just so.... simple. And the feelings that I associate with this simplicity are simple.... Simply complicated.

I remember what it felt like to be totally loved by someone else. I know I can find that again one day and I'm not too worried about being in a rush to find it now... every time I have tried to start a fairy tale something has been missing. Something hasn't felt right.

And for once, something feels right.

I'm not with anyone right now. In fact, someone that was mentioned in a previous blog asked for a second chance. I already know I'm going to say no, not just because of what was said or because it took him so long to apologize and say he was wrong... not just because something was missing. Because I know he isn't right for me. I don't get that feeling.

I don't get the summertime deep breathing feeling.... the kind where you can smell the fresh grass clippings and watermelon and the heat from the pavement. The kind where you can close your eyes, inhale and smile.

For some reason, I correlate these feelings of love and summer time deep breathing. The idea of sleeping with my windows open remind me of a time when I was totally wrapped up in someone's arms and felt totally and completely in love. Just by breathing, I could feel total bliss.

Summer time makes me want simple and total love... is that too much to ask?

It will all happen in good time... Well, it better, or I'm going to be pissed.