Preparing a care package...

Dear Mother Nature,

On behalf of the people of Northern Utah, my friends and I have taken the opportunity to put together a little care package for you... Enclosed is a case of Midol, some super jumbo peri pads, and a flat of tampons. Clearly you need to get your PMS under control... I highly recommend getting on some form of birth control, like an IUD or the NuvaRing. I can recommend a very good OBGYN, if necessary.

In the off chance that you are pregnant, which would be a miracle considering how old it is believed you are, we have also enclosed various pregnancy tests, all of which I used to try and prove my friends wrong when they were trying to convince me that I was pregnant.

Please do not take this offensively, as we are just trying to help. Some people in Utah actually do like warm weather every once in a while.

Sincerely yours,
Mandy and friends

(There is no return address, because we don't want lightening to strike in anger... and we don't know where to send this package, so we will keep launching it up in the air with a cannon until it doesn't come back....)