Monday, June 21, 2010

I've got a feeling...

I'm not saying I'm psychic by any means... whatsoever. But there are moments. Moments when I feel something. I meet people and I get an instant read on them. Kind of like the "Lemon Law" as described in How I Met Your Mother. Within five minutes, I get feelings from people.

I meet them, and I can sense something. It can be with friends, or guys on dates... guys my friends are dating. It has actually happened with several guys I have dated once upon a time. I met them, and I knew something big was going to happen with them. Or it wasn't.

With Brown Boot, I thought I could end my search. I thought I found the one I was going to spend my life with. I had a feeling, that my relationship with him was going to be the biggest one I would ever have. So far, it has been. It's been the longest by far, and shaped me more than any other relationship.

With Tegan's father, I handed him my job application, and I knew that one day he would be more than my manager. I knew something was going to happen with him, but until after I left Florida, I didn't understand what it was. It wasn't that I planned on him giving me a daughter... I just knew something big was going to happen with him.

There have, of course, been relationships in between.... But, honestly, they didn't give me as big of a feeling as these two did. Some of you may read this and think that it's harsh... But when I kept saying that something was missing? It was this feeling. The feeling of knowing. The butterflies. The smile I get every time someone mentions their name... Contentment. Bliss. All that has been missing in almost all of my relationships. Even on dates, I can tell if something is going to happen with the person sitting across the table from me. And yes, sometimes that feeling is there in the beginning... But I'm looking for that feeling to stay. I'm looking for it to linger.

Once upon a time, I had that feeling with Brown Boot. I didn't realize it was totally gone until recently. And I haven't been going out and looking for it. I've been content with my life, and doing whatever it is that I have been doing that has been keeping me so busy.

Then one day... Someone showed me a picture.

I was literally speechless.

My breath had been sucked out of my lungs, in a good way.

And I got butterflies.

Those three things have not happened at the same time in a long time.

I instantly wanted to know more... I asked her more questions... I waited to see who would contact who first... I waited.

And waited.

And waited....

And felt like I was going to explode.

The feeling was still there. This guy was on my mind a lot, and I had no idea who he was... Then the e-mails started. We weren't even flirting. We were honestly getting to know each other, asking questions and giving a version of ourselves in a nutshell. And the feeling was still there. I was getting nervous about meeting him....

Well, after a couple weeks of talking we finally met for a one hour lunch.

He was waiting around the corner, in front of the restaurant that we were going to meet at right on time. I planned on being a couple minutes late, and had been planning my entrance. Nothing big, nothing dramatic... Just something to show that I was being casual. That I wasn't nervous. I didn't want him to see that I was really wanting to burst, because I had never been around someone so attractive, down to earth, and nearly everything I was looking for.

When I turned the corner and saw him there, I spotted him out of a crowd. I took a couple steps back and fixed myself in a window, took of my glasses, and came back around strutting my stuff and placing my glasses in my purse, texting at the same time. See? I'm awesomely casual, and I can multitask. In heels. I was doing some serious strutting too. My shoes were huge and sexy. I wore my hair down so I could toss it and play with it, show off my flirty side. And it totally worked. I looked cool and casual, like meeting this guy wasn't a big deal.

Lunch blew me away. We talked. We laughed. We smiled. And everything was just... amazing. I can't even explain it. This guy seems too good to be true. We've shared our drama, all the crap we've been through, and it just made me like him more. It made me see that he learned from all the crap that he's seen, and he made it turn him into a better person.

Blown away. In total shock that he's even talking to me....

And I have a feeling.

I'm still waiting for the "Oh..." moment. Another HIMYM reference...

Barney: The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal “oh” moment.
Marshall: The “oh” moment?
Barney: “Yeah. The moment you find out that one detail about the person that’s gonna be a deal breaker. So trust me, you want to postpone knowing anything about each other for as long as possible.”
Ted: “I disagree. If there’s some potential “oh” moment, I wanna know about it right away. I mean what’s the alternative?”

The "oh" moments that would have bothered me about someone else haven't bothered me with him.... Because it's made him what he is. And I like what I see.


I have a feeling. A very good feeling.

1 comment:

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