getting kicked in the ribs hurts... even on the inside.

"It's not that bad, it's not that bad, it's not that bad...."

Famous last words, right?  I have been in so much pain the past few days.  This little girl has been kicking the HELL out of me.  If she's not sitting on my bladder, she's playing my ribs like a xylophone, punching my hips, and rubbing the inside of my uterus raw.  And she's had a lot of fun crushing my lungs lately too.  No joke.  Not to mention all the other complications that come with pregnancy... 

You want to hear a funny one?  This paragraph is going to get a little graphic... So if you have a weak tummy or mind, skip it.  I have hemorrhoids.  And I'm constipated.  Which makes them worse.  Oh wait, did I mention that I'm anemic too?  So I have to take iron twice a day, which makes poop even harder, which means, unless I take some kind of laxative, the toilet will be filled with blood from my ass.  Funny joke.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  Not.  How can women forget things like this when it's time to have another baby???

Not to mention the lack of sleep I've had lately.  I was up every couple of hours last night, going to the bathroom.  But I was so thirsty.  I tried to not drink anything, but then my mouth would get super dry and that would make it so I couldn't sleep yet again.  I tried.  It kept me awake for two hours.  Happy day.  As if my tummy constantly hurting wasn't bad enough...  Hurray for contractions.

I've been going to physical therapy too.  But sadly, they couldn't do anything to help the main problem.  My ribs have been killing me!  They go numb, tingle, pins and needles, burning, itching, dull ache... every pain that I've been able to think of, has happened in this little are of maybe two inches on my ribs.  But, because of the HUGE belly I have and the little one resting... kind of resting... inside of it, they can't do any xrays or testing to see what's really wrong... So the goal for the next couple weeks?  Try to make me comfortable until she gets here.

It could be worse.  Right?  It's not that bad.  I can still work.  Kinda... I am in so much pain by the end of the day, but I still do it because I have to.  This is when it's nice to have some help from... oh, I don't know.  The father of the baby.  Who is supposed to give some kind of support, but hasn't shown that he gives a damn.  No money.  No emotional support.  No nothing.  Because he's awesome like that.  Like I said before...  I can pick 'em.

Really, I only have like, three more vagina doctor appointments until the baby comes.  And that's if she doesn't decide to make her appearance early.  Three appointments a week with physical therapy.  An appointment this week with the dentist.  And that's all with working forty hours this week.  Sweet.  But, by the time I go back, my six months may be up!  Which means I can transfer over from housekeeping to being a CNA... and that makes my true career of nursing one step closer.  Not to mention, the pay and hours are so much better... and there isn't as much physical labor.  Fingers crossed folks!

The nursery is almost done.  Pretty much all we have to do is paint... and we don't even have to do that.  It's just decorative stuff... Positive quotes to put on the walls to motivate her to be strong.  Hanging things up on the walls, and putting little things  in their places.  After that, you know what's next?  The hospital bag.  Making sure I have what I need while I'm there and for the trip home.  I already have the baby's bag packed...  She'll be here before I know it.

So really, this 40ish weeks of pain really isn't that bad.  I know it could be so much worse.  But if I compare it to what I'm going to have after all this temporary pain is over, it really isn't so bad.  I'll have a daughter.  A baby.  A little life to take care of.  Someone to watch grow, learn, and develop into a little woman.  And there can't be anything better than that....

The situation with my mom...  Well, she never said she was sorry for the things she said.  She never felt that they were uncalled for, or anything like that.  She's acting like it never happened.  So I'm pretending like everything is okay with her.  I don't know how long I'll stay with her... If I actually get some child support from the dad, I'm going to use that to get my own place, and start back in school again... which hopefully moves downtown.  But again, that will be in about a year.

I have a friend on his mission right now, in Mexico.  I've known him since 7th grade, but we kinda lost touch for a while.  We will write e-mails, not very long ones, but enough to keep each other updated.  My mother, for some reason, is convinced that we are going to get married.

"He's not my type, mom.  We're friends, we're not going to be anything more."

"Well, sometimes friends make the best husbands."

"I'm not going to marry him mom.  Because we're friends and talking while he's on his mission, it doesn't mean anything.  I don't love him like that, and I'm not going to marry someone unless I do love them the way someone in love is supposed to love someone else."

Seriously... Who is going to take relationship advice from a bitter lady who got divorced after 40 years?  I love my mom.  Don't get me wrong.  Yeah, she's closed-minded and doesn't really understand how the world works... but I'm not listening to her when it comes to relationships, religion, or friends.  

It would be so nice, if she just let me believe what I want to believe and let me be my own person...  I'm hoping, one day, that she'll see that it's all part of being a mother.  Instead of putting me on guilt trips for being different than she is, and not believing the same things she does

In other news... I haven't broken down and tried to contact Brown Boot.  And that's something to be proud of.

The weather looked like it was going to be nice... All the snow started melting, and all that was left was a few chunks of ice.  We groomed the dogs, and got their hair nice and short.  Oh, but we really should have let it grow more.  Because we had another storm today and got a few more inches.  Poor little puppies have been freezing their little tails off. 

I still can't believe that around this time last year, I was running around in Florida.  Playing on the beach, and looking for sea shells...  Playing in DisneyWorld, like I didn't have a care in the world.  Now I'm in Utah.  In the snow.  Getting ready for a baby to come and change my world yet again... And watching Disney movies to get myself ready for all the baby stuff.  I can't wait to take her to Disney for the first time... Now that will be real magic.