Spiced Cider

I am someone that is easily entertained...

Simple things in life make me happy. Right now, I'm extremely excited for cold weather. The leaves in the mountains have barely started to change color, and the air barely has a bite to it as the sun begins to set each night. I have never been excited for winter. I have always hated the snow, and Christmas each year seemed to upset me for whatever reason... But this year, something is different.

I can't wait for all the trees to start changing color and bring autumn romance into the air. The crisp, distinct smell that they have as they start to fall, and crunch under the feet of those walking on the street or playing in the yard, turning each one into a skeleton of what it once was. Fall is about comfort... Even though it's cold outside, people think warmth. It's roasting marshmallows various nuts on an open flame. Hot apple cider and hot chocolate. Warm colors. Red, stuffy noses and sneezes. Warm coats, and scarves and mittens. Mashed potatoes, roasted turkey and ham, and pumpkin pie.

I've NEVER liked pumpkin pie! But for some reason, this year, something is different. I can't wait for my mom to make it so I can have a bit. I can't wait to gather all my yarn and start knitting scarves. At Bath and Body Works, I was overwhelmed by different smells... Which can be really good and bad when you're pregnant. But I found one that my nose would not turn away from... Spiced Cider... My mother insisted on buying a diffuser for me so I could totally wrap myself in it. Every time I light it, it makes me so happy. Comfort smells. Of course you can't drink essential oils... you could but that would be dangerous. Just the idea of this aroma filling the air can calm my nerves, no matter how lonely I get or how many tears I've cried.

The idea of Christmas this year... I don't know what it is, but something is different. Last year was the first time I had a significant other over the holidays that actually spent time with me. Every year before that, I was alone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's.... No, wait, a couple years ago, I had my first New Year's kiss. But last year, I only spent Christmas Eve with my boyfriend, and the next morning we had to go into work and get the restaurant ready. No gifts were exchanged. All we had that night were candles, a warm bubble bath, champagne, and each other. It was so simple, but one of the most romantic nights we had together.

But the brown boot that I have been so in love with since my Junior year of high school was always gone for the holidays... spending time with his family, and calling me at midnight his time when the ball dropped to tell me he loved me. And I was okay with that. It was hard to be alone, when really he was just a phone call away. But in all the ads for winter clothes, there are couples holding hands in the snow, having snowball fights, and smiling. Sitting by a fire, with a mug of some kind of hot adult beverage, that your parents always swore was hot chocolate. I dreaded the holidays every year, because I knew he would leave. We would exchange presents before he would leave and have our own little Christmas party, and then he would be gone. Except two years ago, when he finally ended it. That was the first year he was supposed to come have Thanksgiving with my family, and he broke up with me the day before... Then I miscarried the first week of that December. The smell of this Spiced Cider made all those bad memories go away...

I don't know what it is about this year. I believe I have every reason to hate the holidays whenever they roll around. This year, I'll be more single than ever. It's the first year, I won't have anyone, and not just because we broke up days before. But the idea of snow... Snowmen. Snow angels. Snow boarding. Snowball fights. Catching snowflakes on my tongue. The sight of the mountains covered in snow. Leaves changing color. Eating warm foods by the fireside when it's really cold outside and the snow isn't fake. Scarves, hats, and warm coats. Thunderstorms and snow storms... Christmas lights... And man, I'm not religious, but Temple Square during the holidays is amazing... there are lights wrapped around every branch of every tree...

Something about this year screams magic. And it's the only time that the smell of Spiced Cider has ever gotten me this excited for anything. I'm even content spending the holidays with my family for the first time since I seriously wanted a pony from Santa for Christmas... Come to think of it, I never got that Easy Bake Oven either.