Monday, May 23, 2011

It's been a while...

But the story continues.

Spoiler alert! It didn't work out. I didn't move to Oregon or Washington. He ended up not being the love of my life, and we didn't live happily ever after. But that is life.

Even though it didn't end in "Happily ever after" the story is still something that shaped me. And it was still a wonderful relationship, while it lasted. It ripped out my heart and gave me hope all at the same time.

And made me join eHarmony.

Anyway.... *shifty awkward eyes*

*clears throat*

Pretend you didn't just read that.

We'll do a kind of nutshell/Reader's Digest version of what happened, because much has happened since then and this is something that I don't really want to dwell on...

He and I had a moment on a hill while the sun was setting where I ran into his arms and he gave me the long awaited and promised twirly hug... Then I was charged at by a ram.


A ram. Like... Horned sheep. Came running in my general direction. So what did I do? Throw him in front of me and ran. I admit it openly.

We got stuck in a huge muddy area on a Gator, which he did on purpose to get me alone to talk to me. It was kind of funny actually... In a nerdy, jock sweet kind of way. If that is possible. The first night there we had a huge fire pit and a ton of family came up. There were a million people crammed into a one room shack with a busted shower and a wood pellet furnace.

Yup. We know how to roll on the west coast, dude.

He and I stayed up talking for at least an hour after everyone else had fallen asleep... We got to talk about all the things that we said we would have to talk about in person, and I just stayed totally wrapped up in his arms.

Eventually we made our way up to Astoria the next day, after spending some time being lazy on the property.... We found an amazing place for dinner that was to die for and grabbed some cheesecake to take back to the bed and breakfast that we found. Every other place was totally booked, and by chance we called Clementine's. It was perfect. We stayed in the "Moose Temple" (his nickname was Moose) and the building actually used to be an old LDS church.

Too many things were fitting together. That, and the amazing scones we had for breakfast on the way to the Astoria Column before we flew the little wooden planes on my birthday... Everything just fit together. There was no coincidence. The was just us and fate. A voice in my head told me to jump, and I dove straight in.

So the entire weekend was magical. I got to spend time with my best friend and the godbaby. I got to see family and friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. I got to wrap my head around the idea that I could have that life.

Then it happened.

I month later, when I made another trip out to the West Coast, this time to Seattle (for the first time) I could tell he was already distancing himself. Things we used to talk about, we didn't talk about anymore. He called less. He didn't seem as interested as he was before. The honeymoon phase wasn't just over - it was DONE. I could see it coming from a million miles away. I saw the warning signs, but I convinced myself that it was just because I was trying to make excuses to ruin a good thing.

By the night of April 1, 2011 - it was over. I wasn't what he wanted and he didn't want a girlfriend, much less a girlfriend that lived in a different state with a child.

But it's okay. We had our moment. We had an incredible weekend and another weekend that was just... well, whatever.

Some people were shocked. Some people kept saying he would come back. Deep down, I knew he wouldn't, and that it would be okay.

I don't cry when I think about him anymore. It doesn't make me sad.

There is no such thing as a mistake. Every "mistake" is a learning experience. What you do with it is what matters.

So I kept breathing (after drinking a lot of vodka) and realized that there must be something bigger for me out there. It was going to come to me whenever it and I were both ready. I'm still waiting for it...

Any time now...

Ah hem....

So I keep living my life, and doing what makes me happy. One day at a time. It wasn't the end of the world. It may have just been the beginning of a whole new world for me.

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