A previously unpublished blog...

Ha ha ha so... I found this when I was going through things to study for finals and I realized I never posted it... It made me realize how clever and witty I can be. And it made me think about a sad time in my life and LAUGH. We all need that every now and again... and it means we've moved on. It's amazing what a little time and space will do. So here you guys go... a blog from a couple years ago that was never posted.

Bliggity Blog

Sunday, Oct. 11, 2009

SO....

I did it again. A stupid lul in my blogging. And I’m sorry... But things were kinda crazy. Want to know what happened? Okay? Okay.

I moved downtown and then moved back to my mom’s house. I made it out for like three weeks, hardly stayed there, didn’t even move my bed up, and I just got everything back into my mom’s house again today. It was hard to do! Anyone that knows me, knows that I want to live in the Avenues in downtown Salt Lake, and that’s right where I was. I could see the hospital from the kitchen window, and we used to sit out on the fire escape. It was near perfect. The air has been getting crisp from the autumn air, and the leaves have been turning colors. I would watch the sunset from the living room or out on the fire escape. But it never really felt like home.

The convience was amazing. It took me less than five minutes to get to work, which meant more sleep for me. Kinda. And it meant a lot less gas too. But honestly? I can’t afford it. I have to much that I need to get to take care of the little one. She’s growing and needs warm clothes, which I got today. Some today anyway. She needs toys to learn and grow, food... Whatever little kids need, and I would have no way to get any of it if I was living out of the house because I would have more bills to take care of.

It would help if Sperm Donor would pitch in every once in a while... Has he bought one diaper? One jar of baby food? No. Nothing. He hasn’t even tried to see how she’s doing or tried to talk to me. I did tell him not to talk to me unless he absolutely had to, and he hasn’t. He made no effort, so I told him just to forget about it. But that’s besides the point. I’m waiting for child support to come, and it’s just a waiting game. I call, they tell me that they’re working on it. I call again, and they’re still working on it. I’ll get a letter when they award me something... Bla bla bla. I’m grateful for the government’s help and all, but I applied in April, and I’m still waiting. Kids cost money, and I could use some help.

OH! And she has two teeth now. On the bottom! I’ve been trying to get a picture, but her little tongue keeps getting in the way. I’ll get one soon. Teething has been really hard... But she’s doing better today.

I wouldn’t give her up for anything, and honestly she is my whole world. I would do all this crap all over again if I had to. When I hear her giggle, it warms my heart. It keeps me going. It helps remind me to keep breathing. I do it all for her. And a little for me to. She forced me to make my life better and to be more picky about who I hang out with. And who I date. Which means pretty much no one. (That’s my excuse for being a loser... and it doesn’t mean that if I haven’t hung out with you that you suck or anything... I promise. If you’re reading this you’re probably on my cool list. Or I don’t know you. That, and I’ve been super busy, in case you can’t tell.)

Oh! I’m working on financial aid stuff with school now too. Which feels good. I hate filling out paperwork, but I have to make sure I get it all done. It means I get an education for less that I would have before, and it will all be worth it. Tiny sidebar with school... I get to take Math 1010. Do you know what class I was taking in high school? Freaking Trig. Seriously?!? That’s what I get for not staying in school. Hopefully it will be a breeze. I figured it out from this website that the school counselor told me to go too, and it’s a good thing she told me to go there, because I tried doing some equations from each class and had no idea what they were trying to get me to do.

2+2 = 4!?! When the hell did that happen?

Whatever. School is school. It will feel good to get back to it.

On the way back from moving my stuff back out of the apartment, (which sucked by the way... Big time. There was a lot of stuff and lots of trips up and down four huge flights of stairs...), I stopped at Taco Bell and got some yummy food. I finally got to the last bit of it just a little bit before I started writing, and my mind wandered while I listened to the TV in the background.

Something about weddings...

Which made my mind wander to the phone calls and e-mails I’ve been getting because I signed up for a mailing list when I tried on wedding dresses back in the day when Mike and I were talking about getting married. I’m going somewhere with this I promise. Taco Bell doesn’t always lead to wedding bells... That would just be weird.

In thinking about the wedding dresses and all that fun stuff, I remembered what scared me and when I realized that I couldn’t marry Mike. That it wasn’t right. I would put on one of the dresses I liked and close my eyes and picture myself walking down the aisle. The flowers... The guests... The venue... The guy... And it wasn’t Mike. He wasn’t there at the end of the aisle. I couldn’t picture it no matter how hard I tried. There was still someone else down there, and he hasn’t left yet. Yes, it’s the Brown Boot.

A raise of hands for everyone who saw that coming? Yeah, everyone. I thought so.

As I’m thinking this, I’m reaching in my Taco Bell bag for a pack of Border Sauce for my massive burrito. And you know how they all have funny little things on them? This one said...

“Will you marry me?”

Really? That has to be coincidence. HAS to be. There is no way. Why do I have to pull out that sauce packet at that moment? The stupid little packet knew what was going through my head, and just glared at me, sticking out it’s tongue.

Neener. Neener. Neener.

You’ll never get this!

My person decided to call it “Bastard Sauce.” Ha ha ha, very fitting.

Can you imagine what would happen to some poor Utah County girl, on a date with her boyfriend? I could totally see her pulling it out, thinking it was a clever proposal idea, while her boyfriend is sitting there in horror as everyone stared at them.

Ten extra points if he was taking her to Taco Bell to break up with her so she wouldn’t make a scene... Uh oh, too late.

I’m going to hell for sure.... That would be terrible! But you have to admit it would be really funny to watch. I’d cry. From laughing so hard. Ha ha ha

OH! And I’m trying to figure out a funny costume idea for Tegan and I for Halloween.... anyone have any ideas? So far, I have White Rabbit and Alice from Alice in Wonderland, and lion and ringleader. But I’m not sure about either one. Maybe Mad Hatter? I dunno.