just a tiny freak out

There is something I could say here... But I'm not going to say it. I wish I could scream it at the top of my lungs from the tippy top of a very high mountain so the whole world could hear! But I don't want to wake up the poor children in China. And climbing to the top of a very high mountain would be a lot of work... and it's very very hot outside.

That, and I'm terrified that someone would hear me and go running the other direction.

As some of you know, (and I'm not even sure who reads this... but I'm going to do my best to keep things as... Um... Sneaky? As possible? Is that the right word? I don't even know. Whatever.)

I still have that feeling. I met someone and he is wonderful! But we are only in the process of planning date four. That's right. We have only seen each other face to face three times, and he has given me that feeling. A feeling I haven't felt for a long time. This man has literally taken my breath away and given me butterflies, not because he says romantic things or has made an attempt at sweeping me off my feet. He just is. He exists. He lives and breathes and is amazing and wonderful. And the fact that I found someone like this excites me. Thinking about it gives me butterflies, and I'm trying so hard not to explode.

I am doing my best to keep my composure whenever I see a message from him or whenever I see his picture on my facebook page... Even in just a damn status update. Looking at him gives me butterflies. Thinking about him gives me butterflies. He kissed me, and "Take My Breath Away" started playing in my head, because he really did take my breath away. And there are a few other songs that now make me think of him. Not of anyone else. And yes, you did read that right. He kissed me. :)

But see, even writing all that out made me feel like I was going crazy. I still feel that way! I HATE IT! People keep telling me that it's a good thing.

I had so many people telling me how wonderful and fantastic I am, which was generally followed by me saying something along the lines of "No, I'm really not," "Are you talking to me?" and even a "Thank you" depending on who was whispering such sweet nothings in my ear.

My favorite was a blind date I went on, where the guy just sat there staring at me.

"Um... Hello? What are you staring at?"
"You are just so.... so.... captivating."

Which would be totally flattering, except for the tiny tiny fact that that was the only thing he had said ALL NIGHT. GUH.

So after the experiences I have had in my dating life, I am allowed to feel crazy, right? Because I have had all these guys that keep thinking that they feel these things about me, but I have never felt that way about them. I wonder if he thinks the same things or even feels half as twitterpaited as I do. It is driving me insane. I'm constantly nervous.... until I actually see him face to face. The door opens, and I'm not nervous anymore. I just am. And we exist. And we're in that moment and it all just falls into place and is so easy. He makes it easy!

I don't remember being this head over heels for someone. Ever. Much less someone who doesn't pull out a bunch of lame lines to try and get me in his trap. He doesn't tell me what I want to hear. It just so happens, that the things he says without any effort prove that he is the type of guy I'm looking for. He says the things I want to hear with out trying or realizing it.

He's well rounded. A perfect gentleman - which I will explain in just a moment. He doesn't listen to the radio because it all sounds the same. He enjoys red wine and high quality beer. He's a foodie. He is cultured. He plays music and is a business man who enjoys the great outdoors. We come from the same background and have a similar understanding on life. We have the same morbid sense of humor.

Who does this happen to?!

Hello, random qualities that I have picked out of a bunch of different types of guys that I have dated... How did you all end up in one person?

Is there such a thing as something being too good to be true... and actually being true? It's like I just found out that the M&M guys really do exist, and are willing to let me take a bite.

I was recently talking to my person about this man that I have fallen head over heels for... Notice how I said "man"? No, not just scuffed the toe of my shoe like so many times before. I'm talking, full on tripped and half way down to the ground, fallen for... She has the same feeling about this guy that I have. And she recalled a conversation she had with her father about relationships... We date the guys that are not ready to settle down. The guys that treat us like crap, that we never will really end up with. We don't do it intentionally, all the time. It just happens. Then one day, when we are ready to make that commitment, when we've gone through enough crap and heartache, that person that we are supposed to be with will just pop out of the blue and be ready for us too.

Could that have finally happened with me? Seriously? I'm not saying that I'm actually going to end up marrying this guy, because that would just be nucking futs.... even though I probably wouldn't mind it one bit. It's too early to tell with this guy anyway, but I have a feeling... It just gives me hope that there are good guys out there that are respectful and treat women with dignity.

They do exist! Santa is a fat man that brings gifts down through your chimney and the Easter Bunny hides eggs for whatever reason! It's all true!

Back to said guy being a gentleman.... We kissed. The really good kind of kiss that takes your breath away and goes off and on for a couple hours. It happened and it was amazing. It happened a lot. In just one night. It was wonderful. I still get all a flutter thinking about it.

And then he left.

WHAT?!

You heard me. He left. And it was a good thing. Not that I don't want whatever to happen with said guy, because I really do. He left because he was a gentleman.

WHO DOES THAT?! Seriously?! Almost every other guy I know would have pressured me to do whatever it was they wanted to do, leave, and then never speak to me again. Seriously?! I've had relationships start with a random drunk hookup. I've had guys treat me like crap after they've had their way with me and brag about it to their friends. I can't tell you the last time I had a guy that had enough respect for me, that he wanted to wait to go any further.

He left because he was a gentleman. Not because he was gay.

The kind of gentleman that walks to your door and kisses you goodnight.

The kind that tells you about how he wants to rip your clothes off and wake up the neighbors, but leaves because he knows he should.

It IS a good thing! I was bitter about it for the total of a minute, but I realized something...

They do exist! And the Tooth Fairy gives you money for teeth you hide under your pillow!

They are real and amazing and wonderful. Freaking fantastic. Not every knight/prince comes with a white steed and a suit of armor. Sometimes they use wax in their hair and wear buttondown shirts.... And they give you a look that is so intense that you can't look back for very long, for fear that they may steal your soul. It's a good thing.

These are all good things.

Now that I've thought about it all so much, I need a minute to breathe.... *phew*