Have you met Ralph?

I have a plant. His name is Ralph.

And yes, I do name random things.

Back to the plant. His name is Ralph. Actually, his full name is "Love Ralph" and he has a story.

Once upon a time, about five years ago, Brown Boot went off to Georgia to stay with his mom for a couple weeks. I picked him up from the airport and had this plant waiting for him. It was kind of an inside joke. All plants at his dad's house were named Ralph, and this one in particular, was going to be our Love Ralph. Have you seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Yes, it's from that movie. Instead of a fern, it's a Ralph.

And holy shit, this thing is a survivor. At first, I thought it somehow related to my relationship with him. But it apparently doesn't. Every once in a while I would forget to water it for... Oh, I dunno, WEEKS AT A TIME. And this thing still lives. Five years. Still ALIVE.

It's never been repotted, and it really needs it. I just gave him his first trim not too long ago and this thing is still going strong. I have had multiple plants besides this one, and they're ALL DEAD. I have no idea how this thing keeps on going.

There were times I would notice him starting to get a little sad and droopy, and I would water it. And within a day, it would be bright and happy, full and green, and Brown Boot would contact me. Totally weird.

But that, dear friends, has not happened in a while. I trimmed this little guy and got rid of all the vine that had to leaves, leaving it with like... an inch of existing plant. Seriously. And this little guy is flourishing. It's still here. And so am I.

I'm still amazed. I'm not kidding when I say all my other plants have died. I just recently lost my orchid, for who knows what reason. And all the other plants have committed suicide. Or died from neglect. But not Ralph. He lives strong, even though I have totally forgotten about him many times.

Yes, stupid post. But come on... What plant lives through my torture and neglect for 5 years? Seriously? None of them. Except Ralph. Maybe I need to give him a lover and name her... Shayla. Or something.